I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
