I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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