hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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