you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize