It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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