Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dick has a subreddit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
