so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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