he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
