Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
