I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
