I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
