What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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