the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
