he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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