You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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