I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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