i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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