So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
