Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Houston, we have a blender
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
