She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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