i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
