Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His nipple licking is glorious
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