Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
