I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
me + whiskey = a bad person
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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