i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
