worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When are your genitals available?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
