How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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