I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
