So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
