I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
