I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you will always have a special place in my vag
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
