Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
