And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize