Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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