Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
