I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
