My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's like iHOP with fire
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
