By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
