I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
