wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
