I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
