Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
