just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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