I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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