so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
