In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
