As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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