i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
