Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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