big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
