took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
