he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
