we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
