i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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