I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I could fuck to npr.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
