Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
