She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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