So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
