FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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