According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the day after is always just damage control
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
