They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
