Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
