FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
