This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that's an acceptable place to lick
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
