i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
