roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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