i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
