i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
