I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
