Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize