im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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